Compassion

Today I feel conflicted. I have had a topic weighing on me, and I haven't been able to shake it. A family member posted a video that really struck a chord- it made me angry, sad, and resentful. I was not planning on writing about it, because at first I didn't think of this topic as a huge influence on my family, which is really what this blog encompasses.

When I really stopped to think about it however, I realized that my family has been built through and around this life- and it is as much entwined in the fibers of our family as our love for one another, our values, and our dreams.

My husband is a police officer. He wont like me putting that out there on social media, because he is constantly worrying about the safety of our family- but it needs to be said in order for this post to make sense. He will forgive me, I'm sure ;).

He didn't originally intend on being a police officer. He wanted to be a pilot in the military- more on that story at a later date. He ended up deciding to stay in St. Louis and went to college to get his degree in Criminal Justice.

Through college he had a family to support- I was a package deal, remember? In order to do that he worked overnights at a local gas station and went to classes all morning. Then, he would come home, sleep, do homework, and go back to work. It was stressful and tiring and HARD on our family, but he did it, because he loved us and because he desperately wanted to make something of himself. He wanted to do good in this world.

He was scheduled to begin the Academy in September of 2012. In August Tripp was born, and by the time he was to start the Academy I had already been hospitalized for most of Tripp's life. He was a "new" dad, with a very sick wife, still working full-time, and anticipating the stress that entering the Academy would put on our family. It was stressful, and tiring, and HARD on our family, but he fought through it because he loved us and because he desperately wanted to make something of himself. He wanted to do good in this world.

My husband graduated the Academy in April of 2013. He started working with a local police department shortly after and we were grateful and relieved that he finally had accomplished the dream he had been working towards. He went into police work to do good in this world, and he was ready to make a difference.

He spent the next year or so getting to know the job. Being a public servant means that you are held to a higher standard, and he took pride in knowing that he represented the city that he served. Even though he knew that police work was not going to be a walk in the park, he quickly realized how hard this job really was.

I don't mean "hard" like there were too many reports to write, or too many tickets to give out, or dang-it there were just too many calls on that particular day.

He watched people die. He found people who were beyond help. He watched babies being taken away from their parents who were too high to even care. He walked into homes where abuse and neglect were a part of every day life, only for the Division of Family Services to say that there would be no further investigation. And every day he came home to us. He came home and kissed us and hugged us and took comfort in the fact that even though the day was hard, he went into police work to do good in this world. And he wanted to make a difference.

On August 10th, 2014 my husband got the call that he was being put on standby to go to Ferguson, MO. He was expecting that phone call, but actually getting it was unnerving. He had everything prepared and laid out. He got dressed slowly, turned on his walkie, and listened to the events unfold. Sure, he had learned about riots through his training, but almost no one had actually experienced one. He sat at the kitchen table and waited.

My husband is the strongest person I know. He can do anything, fix anything, solve anything. And he looked scared. It is easy to fear the unknown, its human nature. But reality sets in when you realize that the unknown you are facing could bring you and your family pain and suffering like no one should ever have to experience.

That night my husband sent me a picture of the hundreds of police cars that were lined up when he arrived at the scene. It was chilling to think that so many officers were even needed. It quickly became apparent why they were.

That night my husband had to help save employees from inside of a Wal-Mart because they had to barricade themselves in when the looters came through and started raiding the shelves and terrorizing everyone inside. After all of the employees were safe he went outside where he was shot at multiple times.

He stood in a line with a group of men and women in uniform who were there to protect the city and its civilians, all the while getting frozen water bottles, rocks, and anything else that could be found lying on the ground thrown at them. At one point there was a boy who came to the line, pulled down his pants, and started urinating near and facing the officers. He was cussed at, screamed at, and mocked. He had people pull out fake guns and pretend to shoot him. It was pure chaos. And he stood strong. He did not back down, he did not run away. He stood there, protecting a city that was not even his, while being mocked, ridiculed, and disrespected. He did it because he knew that it needed to be done. He did it because he knew that the man or woman standing next to him had a family they wanted to go home to as well, and in order to ensure that all returned home safely, his presence was needed. He did all of this, unwavering and strong.

And then he came home. And he was scared. And he held me, and he held his kids. He switched roles and was the boys' superhero and my soul mate.

Day after day he went back to that place, because it was his duty. And day after day he came back to us, and was a father and husband, because that is who he was.

It has been almost 4 years since the riots in Ferguson. Since then, my husband, our family, and hundreds of other families that we lean on for support have experienced a level of hate and ignorance that surpass what we could have imagined.

The truth is, I know that there are bad things that happen in this world. I know that there are bad police officers. Just like there are bad teachers, bad doctors, bad lawyers, bad used cars salesmen. Believe it or not, I have experienced first hand what it is like to be at the hand of a bad police officer.

I also know that most people are good. Most police officers are just like my husband. Willing to risk their lives to save yours, even if that means not coming home to see their families. I don't just know that because I know the kind of man my husband is, I know that because I am immersed in this family of men and women who witness the side of life that most people don't see- the side that is ugly and scary and unrefined, and they do it because they want to do good in this world. They want to make a difference.

There are many evils in this world, and I am aware that as a society we need to grow and learn to accept and love one another. If we all focused on loving each other a little more, rather than grouping people together, labeling, and assuming things about them we would be able to make headway.

If we took the time to get to know each other as people, and not just as a profession, a sexual orientation, a race, or a political persuasion, we would find that most of us are just people. People that want to do good in this world and make a difference.

"Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." Colossians 3:12

Until next time,

XOXO Aly