Reminders
It has been a while since my last post. Not because I have run out of things to say (that couldn't be farther from reality), but because the first 3 months of school can be so overwhelming, that even a seasoned 2nd year teacher like myself (haha) can get lost in the incredible work load.
Also, don't expect much out of my writing during the stretch between conferences and Christmas. That whole one week on, half week off, 3 weeks on, 2 weeks off thing? All while squeezing in field trips, assemblies, and class parties? Yeah, good luck getting 25 nine and ten-year olds to retain any valuable information during that time.
Oh- and I can't forget that time between January and Spring Break. When teacher's realize they only have 3 months to cram in the rest of the curriculum- because come MAP testing all bets are off- ain't nobody listening to teachers after MAP testing.
What I am saying is, I really do want to write. I jot thoughts down in my notebook. I formulate ideas and brainstorm ways to get my point across. I sit down at my computer to begin a post. And then I start thinking about the one thing I have been longing for the entire day. My bed. And that usually wins. Because I most likely have been up since 5am. I arrived at school around 7:45am in order to plan, make copies, check my mailbox, and get prepped for the day. I have been to AT LEAST one meeting or completed a mandatory something. I taught 25 kids some form of Writing, Math, and Reading. I tried my best to help them through their Social-Emotional troubles and typical 4th grade drama. I most likely left my school at 4:30, after tying up the loose ends from the day and reflecting on what worked and what definitely did NOT work. I picked up Easton from school. I got home at around 5pm to make dinner, and then left to take someone to soccer practice. I cleaned up dinner, started getting kids ready for bed, and then picked said child up from soccer practice. I came home again, put everyone to bed, and planned instruction for the next day. I caught up on emails and Dojo messages. I made sure everything was in order to start the next day. And then I had the choice to make. Go to bed? Stay up to straighten up? Start the book I have been aching to read for the last 2 months? Write? Spoiler alert: Bed usually wins.
HOWEVER, today something compelled me to write a small tidbit of reflection. This past week has been challenging to say the least. A few things I have come to realize:
Middle school is harder as a parent than it was as a student.
Trying to prep for parent-teacher conferences while your husband is working a shift that makes it so your alone with three kids all the time is...difficult.... (I would say absolutely ludacris and insane, but I don't want people to feel that I am being overly dramatic...)
Sometimes Facebook does impart some knowledge that is useful and healing.
Today around 1pm I was laying on my bed. I was tired, and had been hearing the words "can I have..." since 6:30 this morning. Thank you Daylight Savings Time. I had raised my voice a handful of times because I JUST WANTED SOME PEACE FOR 2 SECONDS. Two kids had been to their room for timeout. My youngest child had told me how much he HATED me. (This, mind you, I had heard on average about 8 times this week, coming from an array of different children in my household). I had lost my temper. I had been frustrated and had not been the picture perfect example of all things mom.
Finally after giving up any hope of control or peace, I plopped down on my husband's favorite chair and curled up with my favorite blanket. Within moments, my three-year old was cuddled on my lap. Within 15 minutes he was sleeping peacefully. A child who was REFUSING sleep just an hour before, was content and resting, feeling safe and cared for.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my Facebook feed when I saw a quote that said something to the effect of- isn't it amazing what our toddlers can teach us about love and forgiveness? Even when we as adults lose our tempers. Even when we say things that maybe we wish we wouldn't have said ("CAN YOU PLEASE JUST STOP NEEDING ME FOR 5 MINUTES?!"). Even when most wouldn't dare approach us again. There are our toddlers. Reminding us that their love is unconditional, that we make them feel safe, and that they would choose us, every time, over and over, no matter what.
And that is exactly what happened.
This reminder might not last for long. Heck, it might not even last until the end of the night. But I am grateful for the reminder. Even through the confusion, fights, stress, and struggles- the love my children have for me, and the love I have for them, is a gift I will always have. It is a gift I am lucky to have been given. And it is something I am forever thankful for.
Until next time,
XO Aly
