Fear and Faith
I honestly do not even know where to begin. I have gone back and forth about writing a post about what is happening in our country and in my city right now. I have stopped myself each time out of fear. Fear that I will not be understood. Fear that I will be labeled. Fear that I will not be heard. One of my biggest fears is that by speaking out in support of the police it will be said that I am not in support of justice for George Floyd. That is not true. I support the police. I support the badge. I support my husband. But I do not do so blindly.
To my Blue family, who are living with knots in your stomach from the moment you wake up until you finally fall asleep- I see you. We are terrified because we know how this all goes. We lived through Fegruson. We lived through the aftermath. We watched as our loved ones were spit on, screamed at, and degraded because of the uniform they wore. We listened to stories of fear. We had hard conversations. Conversations that started with “If I do not come home…” We watched their strength. We stood together as we heard story after story of officers being injured or killed. We were MAD at the media and how it almost seemed as if they wanted to divide us. Yes, we lived through this once. And we prayed that we would never have to again. Yet here we are. Scared, angry, and hurting. I am fortunate that I have you with me through all of this. I am fortunate I have a group of people who understand my fear. I am with you and I see you.
To my friends who insist that the Police are the problem- I hear you. I hear your anger. I can see your outrage. What those officers did was an absolute abuse of power. It was negligent and horrific and heartbreaking. From the officer with his knee on George Floyd’s neck to the one who asked if they should get him up but didn’t take action. They took a life. They took a brother, a father, a friend. I promise you- the Blue family feels the same way. There is not anyone that hates a bad cop more than a good cop.
In the same breath I beg you not to condemn an entire profession because of the acts of a few. I beg you to think twice before you write a hateful comment on social media that paints an entire profession in a negative light. In the same way it is unfair and unjust to judge a person by the color of their skin, it is unfair and unjust to judge a person because of the uniform they put on every day. When I see posts like “Save a life, kill a cop” or hear that protesters are throwing fireworks and bricks at the police- It’s like a punch in the gut. The hate that is being spewed is GOING to cause police officers to lose their lives. It is NOT a maybe. It is NOT a might. It WILL happen. It already has.
I am NOT saying that change does not need to happen. It does. I am not black. But I have been assaulted by a police officer. Violently. And when I went to file a complaint (because surely, she couldn’t get away with her behavior) I was told that it was her word against mine. The report was falsified. I didn’t have a leg to stand on. So instead, I feared police officers. Ironically, my husband decided (after we were already married), that he wanted to be one. It wasn’t until after I got to know countless officers that I realized that the problem was NOT the police. The problem is the system. A system that allows bad cops to stay cops. I have NEVER gotten over the trauma and humiliation I felt because of that incident. So, even though I am not black, I am a human being. And it was not fair that I was treated that way. And it is not fair that any PERSON is ever, ever treated as anything less.
Black. White. Woman. Man. Cop.
So through all of this, please know that I want justice for George Floyd. And I support the police. Because the vast majority of them want the same thing.
"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools" -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Stay safe. God Bless.
